Musterbation, Dreams and a nasty little Allergy

I have to confess, it’s time to spill the beans, I have to tell somebody what I’ve been doing. I am not proud of the fact, but I’ve been abusing myself for years, I Musterbate. To cap it all I’ve problems with Dreams and I’ve given myself a really nasty Allergy which needs medical intervention. Don’t worry it’s not contagious, but it is a salutatory lesson, thank-goodness I can see the way out.

I Musterbate & I have done for as long as I can remember.
I do it all the time, its a filthy habit, more often than not I do it when I am alone, but I have caught myself doing it in front of other people, even in the middle of a conversation, it’s disgusting, it must stop, I will take myself in hand.


Musterbation is an act of self-abuse, you continually say I must, I must stop doing this, I shouldn’t, I must stop doing that, I must stop smoking, I must exercise, I must not do that……… pretty soon musterbation leads down a rocky road, must, must not, shouldn’t, can’t, if only – it leads to a place where you give away your power and strength and ultimately self belief, where you set barriers & where you sabotage your potential.

But, there is a simple way to end the abuse, it only takes one word to change all the musts, coulds, shoulds, cannots …………… you simply have to replace them with WILL. The answer is so simple, I Will. One word – for the power of thought and deed to latch on to is it all takes, that and making it a repeated Mantra, over and over again I will.
A little while ago something weird happened, I don’t remember exactly when, but somehow I stopped dreaming at night, I cannot remember having had a single dream or even a nightmare in months, I sleep, then I wake up, no nightmares, no fantasies, no nothing, just sleep, that ain’t normal, sure if I was Guru-Tastic, spiritually enlightened, my mind calm & thoughts rational, that I had a flat-line sleep, it would be positive, but knowing that I am to be honest a hefty distance from being well balanced and that my mind is no Shangri-La means something is not right. We also use Dreams in the sense of our hopes for the future, our desires for where we see ourselves heading, our unfulfilled needs. A lovely friend of mine said to me that we should never let anyone prevent us from pursuing our dreams, when I stopped to consider her words I realised something scary, not that I was letting anyone hinder me following my dreams, but something far worse, that in that moment I had no dreams.

I had no space in my mind for my dreams. To chase dreams you need visions of the possible, or indeed the seemingly impossible. I need to give myself the space to explore my dreams, my desires, my wants, to go to sleep and have it interrupted by my sub conscious, to have good dreams, hell even to have nightmares, to feel.

My mind has most definitely woken up, I know I am not where I want to be, recognition is a powerful aide, day after day my mind tells me I need change, I begin to listen, my body has been doing the same. A few years ago my heart decided to have a flutter, it gave me a wake up call, I listened but only in part, overnight I jacked in booze, I will have a drink once in a while, but booze doesn’t have any hold over me, I lost 5o pounds in weight, from obese to normal, but I only listened partially. As I didn’t get the message clearly enough my body started to rebel, it began to reject me, arthritis, an immune related illness kicked in, my joints decided to inflame, to give me pain, to bang on the door and tell me, your body telling you that this way of living doesn’t work, if you need to see proof here you go, if you need to feel pain to get the message, here you go.

So now each day my body tells me, it’s time to move, its time to change, my mind does the same, they both tell me that if I don’t want to listen then between them they will keep reminding me until I am ready to hear.

Life is the greatest gift possible, how we choose to use that gift and how we chose to see our lives is entirely down to us, nobody else. Once again I begin to search for my dreams, when I understand what those dreams are I can begin to follow them. My body at last I start to listen to, to invest in, to look after, my mind I exercise and exorcise, it is like a muscle, it needs to be stretched, massaged, fed.

The beauty of this life is consciousness, the knowledge that each of us has the power to navigate our path of life, our own choices as to how we deal with each moment, how we react to every ebb and flow, how we live with the pain and the joy, the good, the bad and the ugly. We see our World through our eyes, our minds translate and interpret the sensory information we receive, the fabric and synaptic connections of our brains, our learned history our emotions, all filters and sieves and image fixers that translate the data we receive.

The human eye and how our brains interpret the image is a classic example, we actually see upside down, the lenses of our eyes flip the images we see and focus them upside down onto the Optic nerve, we see our world upside down, then our grey matter interprets the images and corrects them, the images in our brains are an interpretation of the reality. Take that a step further, I could sit in a theatre with 99 other people, watch the same conversation on stage between two people, each one of us would have a slightly different version of the same “Reality” when in fact we had seen the same exchange taking place, the difference is all in the tools we use to interpret, nothing has changed, only the viewing medium. The key then becomes the realisation that how you choose to view life, your life can change your reality, can change the very way you experience your life. Our minds translate images, our ears take in the sounds, our minds like radio receivers & cameras with software then record, translate, interpret sounds and images, each of us has a unique view of the same “Truth”, because our minds translate our own unique storyline, altered by our unique software. Software built over time, adapted and bolted on, evolving programmes added to by each and every experience. We are unique, we are all different, our vision and understanding of the same manifestation, a reality, a Sunset or a Sunrise, a life can be seen in a million different ways, it depends on who’s eyes are seeing and how the mind of the visualiser interprets the image.

As much as each person can view one reality in a different way to the next, so each individual is capable of viewing the same “Fact” as a different reality, dependant on what synaptic connections and pathways they use, how they are feeling on a given day at a given time, I can watch the sunset on two consecutive days, on the first day I may be in a grump, depressed, worried about something, that mind-set and attachment could make the sunset feel meaningless, devoid, untouching. The next day I could see sunset and be joyful, I might be feeling happy, in love, I may have won the lottery. My interpretation of the same “fact”, a sunset would be totally different, it all becomes about how you use your mind. Now that is another great gift, we are doubly blessed. We have the gift of life, we have the tools and the capability to control how we see that life. Admittedly its a challenge, but what a wonderful one. I have been given the gift of my life, I chose how I live it, I even chose how I decide to experience and see it in my mind.

All things are possible, but first things first, no more Musterbation.



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