fiftyfreeandsingle

Something happened last night as I was tucked up in bed that made me realise I need a pussy. It all came about because of a four slice toaster, a Hungarian lady and a fruit loaf from Selfridges. Personally speaking I have never wanted a pussy myself, I don’t think they are unattractive, but they well, never did it for me, I’ve always been happy as I am, but now I can see myself with a pussy of my own, I am sorely tempted to get one.

What brought about this state of affairs, well, as I said I was comfortably ensconced in my bed late Saturday night, ready to fall asleep after a long and busy day when I heard a womans voice and a knocking on my bedroom door. Ordinarily a single woman knocking at your bedroom door late at night saying she needs you now would I am sure be fantastic, but on this occasion it was an altogether far more complicated demand.

It was my Hungarian friend staying for a few days, she sounded very stressed, I got out of bed, under panted as I was, peered out from my bedroom door, it transpired that a delicious hunk of Selfridges Food Halls fruit loaf was the late night snack of choice for my friend, simple enough you may think, but toasting it became a nightmare. As she utilised my stainless steel four slice Dualit Toaster ( no cheap shit you may note ) she had a nasty surprise, my Friend is not a greedy woman and so used only two of the four slices. As she waited for her toast to brown out of the vacant slots popped a mouse, using the toaster as a cosy resting place – indeed a des res with food tray. The mouse scuttled away, my friend scuttled to my room, she quickly told me that I needed to disinfect the toaster at the very least, that I needed a cat, and that she hoped she didn’t get ill from my infested toaster.

Today as I ponder my mouse house, I am now aware that in two weeks I have glued my Aunt to high tack Rodenticide, Traumatised a fellow European and probably given them a life-long phobia for toasters. Drastic action is required, next time who knows what will happen. There is only one solution, I need a Pussy and fast.

If you happen to know where I can get my hands on one let me know. I cannot promise it Ceasar, but it will have plenty of fun chasing mice.